Choices and Ripple Effects

The Benjamites, however, did not drive out the Jebusites, who were living in Jerusalem; to this day the Jebusites live there with the Benjamites.
Judges 1:21 (NRSV)

Going through a divorce was not a pleasant experience. I continue to learn a number of deep life lessons, both tragic and redemptive, through the process. I have observed that divorce often gets considered and treated as an event and a label. I was divorced in 2005. I am divorced. Yet, the event is a climactic moment in a long story, and the label is merely an adjective which reveals nothing of the context.

Though I now look back on the divorce event from a waypoint further along life’s journey, I continue to observe the ripple effects of  that event in my life and the lives of my children. That’s life. Divorce is an easy example, but I have learned along life’s journey that we all make life choices which will produce generational ripple effects and consequences, both tragic and redemptive.

Tucked in today’s chapter is such an event. The tribe of Benjamin conquered the city of Jerusalem during the conquest of Canaan, and rather than driving out the Jebusite inhabitants they chose to co-habitate the city. That decision would have ripple effects throughout history which we continue to feel today.

Fast forward a couple hundred years or so and you find David making the city of Jerusalem the capital of Israel. David, who had spent years in the wilderness leading a band of multi-cultural renegades (including Jebusites), found in Jerusalem a politically and culturally diverse population stuck between the northern and southern factions of Israel. He had been uniquely prepared to lead and succeed from that position. Jerusalem, to this day, remains a global hotspot of racial, political and religious diversity.

Today I am thinking about ripple effects of life choices. We live in a fallen world in which seemingly innocuous choices made, even with the best of intentions, can lead to tragic events. I have also, however, found God to be the master of redemption, creating life-giving results from deathly circumstance. I cannot control the ripple effect of my choices, only the choices themselves. This day, and each day of my journey, my job is to continue to pursue peace, joy, and love – and to choose life.

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Letting Go

At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.
2 Timothy 4:16 (NIV)

The final section of Paul’s letter to Timothy reads like a bullet list of miscellaneous thoughts. Paul languishes in Roman custody. He is in the homestretch of his life journey and he sees the finish line approaching. It’s time to do some housekeeping. Paul both provides Timothy with a thumbnail sketch of his situation as well as instructions for his protege´.

Among the rambling bullet points, Paul alludes to three sets of interpersonal conflicts:

  • Demas, Crescens, and Titus have all left Paul. The departure of Demas, in particular, does not sound to have been a good situation.
  • Alexander the metalworker caused Paul problems in Ephesus and he warns Timothy to be wary of him (the story is in Acts 19).
  • Paul recalls that when Alexander stirred up trouble for Paul all of his friends deserted him and left him alone in his defense.

One of the things I noticed this morning was that the situation with Demas appears to sting. I could almost feel Paul’s bitterness in the subtext. While in the latter two situations, Paul specifically mentions that he has given the Alexander situation over to God’s judgement and he does not want his friends’ betrayal held against them.

As I’ve read Paul’s story and his letters, one thing has become clear to me. Paul was a temperamental man, and I’m not sure he was easy to be around or to work with. As with a lot of people who accomplish great things in their lives, Paul was a driver. He was passionate, focused, and intense. The history of the world was changed by Paul and all that God accomplished through him. At the same time, Paul’s story is littered with interpersonal conflicts in which good men walked away (or were driven away) from Paul.

So now Paul raises three of these conflicts in his final words to Timothy. The older situations Paul has processed and he has come to a place of letting go. He’s not demanding justice of Alexander, but has given the situation over to God’s justice and timing. He is not hanging on to resentment of his friends whom he felt abandoned him. With Demas, however, it would seem Paul’s feelings are still in process.

I am reminded this morning that interpersonal conflict is not always resolved in a moment, even by the greatest of saints. When our lives are troubled by relational problems with others, it often requires time and space to process the issues and to let go of our anger and resentments. We must, however, process and let things go. Refusing to do so will wreak havoc in our spiritual and emotional lives. The ripple effect of resentment seeps out into our lives with insidious consequences.

 

 

The Stained-Glass Maker and His “Message”

Dad and his stained glass 058

There are two things about our house that have received the most comments from guests seeing it for the first time. One is the hidden doors, which are very, very cool. The other is the distinctive stained-glass window that sits between our kitchen and dining room.

The stained-glass was made by my father specifically for our house. Yesterday, while the folks were visiting for Thanksgiving, I took the opportunity to grab this shot of dad standing below his artwork.

Dad told us yesterday that he had designed a “message” in the stained-glass and wondered if we’d see it. He said that if we don’t see it by Christmas he will reveal it to us.

Anyone see a message in the glass?

Thanksgiving 2015

Our first Thanksgiving here at Vander Well Manor in the Pella Theatre District, and the family from both sides came our way to break in the digs. It was my first time cooking the Thanksgiving turkey, but I’m happy to report it went really well. By the time the family arrived the house was filled with an amazing aroma.

Anyone who know Wendy knows m’love does hospitality right. We had appetizers and wine as the house filled with the din of family conversation. The kitchen and the dinner was well planned like the D-Day invasion. Because there were 16 of us, we had to split the crew. The elders feasted in the dining room while the five youngest (along with Uncle Scott) dined nearby in the Great Room.

Dessert was a splendid spread of goodies provided by all. The men enjoyed a little nip of single-malt downstairs at the V-Dub Pub. I had several family members who came into the studio for a little photo portrait, which was a lot of fun. Madison, who was spending Thanksgiving working on a term paper in an Asheville, North Carolina hotel room, joined us for a FaceTime visit.

Driving rain and falling temps chased everyone away far sooner than we would have preferred. I get it. They wanted to get home before the rain turned to ice and snow. So did we, really. We’ll rest easier tonight knowing that everyone is resting, all snug in their beds, with visions of Christmas dancing in their heads.

After a generous dose of clean-up, Taylor, Suzanna, Wendy and I watched This is Where I Leave You which was a wonderful way to end a family holiday. We then settled in for a little Thanksgiving football and relaxation. I didn’t get a Thanksgiving nap, so I think an early bedtime will have to do.

So thankful today for family, friends, loved ones, and blessings innumerable.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

It’s early Thanksgiving morning. As usual, I’m up before the ladies. In a couple of hours the house will be bustling with preparations. For now, it is so quiet that my increasingly deaf ears can hear the wind and rain hitting the house.

It’s a very different holiday this year. In that past 15 months my mom and dad were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and cancer, respectively. This summer they moved into a retirement community. We have so much for which to be thankful despite present circumstances. Medication has slowed progress of mom’s illness. While dad’s cancer will require ceaseless cycles of oral chemotherapy, tests show that the cancerous proteins in his blood are now held at bay. They are in a wonderful retirement community filled with warm and enjoyable new friends. We are so thankful.

It has been a huge year of transition. Madison, sadly, will be flying the friendly skies today and is unable to join us. She has been working tirelessly and will graduate from UCCS in a few weeks. Taylor returned from Scotland with a master’s degree and diligently continues the job search. Suzanna is kicking it in her first year of college. Wendy and I sold a house, built a house, and moved. We’ve been more intentional with our local gathering of Jesus’ followers and stepped down from leadership in the community theatre. There has been so much movement on everyone’s respective life journeys.

All that said, I find my heart struggling to find equilibrium in the pre-dawn hours of this Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for everyone being relatively healthy and happy, yet I acknowledge the intense and painful struggle required for some of us to be able to report that. I am grateful for the blessing of family to be together, and still feel the heartache of missing family I have not seen for far too long. I am giving thanks for our wonderful new home where 16 of us can gather comfortably, and at the same time grieve the passing of family traditions that have been woven into the tapestry of our lives for so many years.

Yesterday I read about the relatively unknown story of Squanto. The native American who became a miraculous life-line to the Pilgrims in that first year in America had actually been abducted and sold as a slave in Europe. Given his freedom by Catholic friars in Spain, he lived in London for a time. He found his way back to America on a trading ship, agreeing to provide his interpretation skills in the new world in exchange for passage. When he returned, however, he found his tribe had been wiped out, likely by disease. He found his way home only to find himself alone in the world.

When Squanto wandered into the Pilgrim’s camp, he was uniquely prepared to help them. He had lived in London longer than some of the Pilgrims. He spoke their language. He understood their ways. He was uniquely qualified to teach them the skills they would need to survive the American wilderness. The Pilgrims had been through hell on their voyage and that first deathly winter. They were unprepared for life in the new world. Having lived through enslavement and a decade of struggle to get home, Squanto needed a tribe and a family. Having lived through the struggle of voyage and a terrible year of death, the Pilgrims needed someone to teach them how to survive in the New World and to communicate with their new neighbors. How miraculous that they found one another.

This morning in the quiet I find myself thinking about that first Thanksgiving. I find it fascinating that the gratitude for both Pilgrim and Native came at the end of a period of incredible challenges, struggles, defeats, and transition in their respective life journeys. And yet, they stopped to feast and offer God thanks in the midst of it all. They’d found each other, and in one another they’d found God’s gift of hope. It seems oddly familiar this year.

I hear Wendy in the kitchen. The rattling of pans has begun, and it’s time for me to start preparations for the feast and for family. Thanks to all who join me on this blogging journey and who, from time to time, take a moment to read my early morning rambling and meandering of heart. I’m grateful for you.

It’s time to roast a turkey. Blessings to you all.

Top Five: Thanksgiving

Wendy and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year and the house will be packed with both my family and hers. For Top Five Tuesday, here are the Top Five Things I’m looking forward to on Thursday:

  1. Gathering with loved ones, quieting our hearts for just a minute, holding hands, and thanking God together for the abundant blessings He’s showered on us.
  2. Making the Thanksgiving turkey for the first time (say a prayer…for all of us!).
  3. Having so many family members together around the table (there will be 16 of us! Yikes!).
  4. The pre-feast goodies, the feast, and the dessert.
  5. Afternoon games, conversations, and naps.

 

featured photo by Satya Murthy via Flickr

Continue in What You Have Learned

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of….
2 Timothy 3:14 (NIV)

When the weight of the world seems to land on your shoulders,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

When doubts nag, and scurry about your mind like pests,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

When negative circumstances fall around you like dominoes,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

When prayers seem to hit  the ceiling and bounce back in an echo,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

When the way is cloudy and the future uncertain,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

When the day lies ahead, and it looks to be an uphill stretch,
Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.

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featured photo by Ewan Cross via Flickr